February is here. That means it is the month of Valentine’s Day and love is in the air…but I want to focus on something different than love and intimate relationships. In the past few years, Galentine’s Day has taken center stage, usually on February 13th, to celebrate all the important female friendships in our lives. It was first mentioned in 2010, on the tv show, Parks and Recreation and, has been a mainstay in culture ever since.

This celebration of close friends got me to thinking about the significance of having a “tribe” of friends in your life. Who in your life are your deep friendships? Who can you count on at 3am to pick up the phone? Whose house can you go to and sit on the couch and ugly cry for hours in sweatpants and a messy bun? If you have a few of these close friends in your life, you are blessed.

There are many mental health benefits of having a tribe of deep friendships (male or female). I’m talking about quality over quantity. You don’t need 20 deep friendships to benefit…a handful of people that you can count on, that know you to your core, that will hold you accountable and give you the shirt off their back.

Here are some examples of the benefits of close-knit, deep friendships:

• It can reduce isolation and loneliness, creating a sense of belonging and connection with others. It allows for a safe space to be authentic and share your struggles, leading to increased emotional regulation and helping reduce symptoms of depression.
• These friendships provide different support than you get from your family members. Many times, we can be more vulnerable with our close friends than with our family and get significant feedback and advice from these relationships. Friends can also offer a different perspective than your family.
• Being vulnerable with close friends can be scary, but it can also boost your confidence. The more you share with your friend group, the better they know how to support you in good and challenging times. This goes both ways, allowing the other person to feel more comfortable sharing with you.
• Deep friendships reduce stress, lower your blood pressure, and provide humor in your life. Is there anything better than having a group of friends over for a fun dinner and game night that turns into sharing stories and belly laughing all night long?
• Provides belonging and community and acceptance. The 12 Step program is a great example of this. There is no judgment in the room, all are welcome, and you can guarantee that someone will reach out to you before or after the meeting.
• Provides an outlet for enjoying shared interests: is there a hobby that you enjoy doing, but want to enjoy it with someone else? There is a club or meetup for almost anything these days…and if you go to a meeting, you are likely going to connect with someone there who also enjoys your hobby as much as you do. Take a cooking class, join a photography or gardening club. Like to knit or crochet? Enjoy archery or gaming? The possibilities are endless!

If you are an introvert (like me), stepping out of your comfort zone can be anxiety provoking. Joining a new group or club requires a bit of vulnerability, if you want to find people with like-minded interests. It also requires commitment and time and can be worth it in the end. You never know who will be there and who you may connect with that could become a lifelong friend, part of your tribe and someone that you consider a deep friendship for years to come.

Deep friendships are wonderful and provide us with many good things. However, they do not take the place of a therapist. Friends are not your therapist. Friends have different boundaries than your therapist and can call you out more bluntly than a therapist will. Friends can be vulnerable and share their experiences with you. Therapists will disclose only when appropriate and not give you advice. Therapists will help guide you along and challenge you, while allowing you to come to your own conclusion about a situation that challenges you.

Think about your current friend group. Who is a deep friendship for you? Let that person know how important they are to you. Take this month to spend time with those close friends and share a meal or a walk together. Appreciate the fact that you have a quality group of friends that you can count on in any situation and people that will make you laugh so hard that you hyperventilate. Here is to deep friendship!