As we approach Valentine’s Day, I am reflecting on the joys of a healthy fruitful relationship and the problems that inhibit this experience from being actualized. Addiction, abuse, betrayal, mental health issues, and one’s experiences are frequently common factors. John and Julia Gottman discuss this along with the concept, What is Trust?

In an excerpt from John and Julie Gottman’s Book “The Science of Couples and Family Therapy” they state; “Just What is Trust? A trait? Is trust a belief? A value? Does trust equal morality?”
“Social capital research never defined it. And if you can’t define it, you can’t change it. Let’s try to build up our definition of trust brick by brick, one interaction at a time. What are couples most concerned about when it comes to deciding whether or not to marry? When we interviewed both dating and newlywed couples about their major concerns about marriage, their number one concern was TRUST, and their number one fear was BETRAYAL. Furthermore, almost all the newlywed conflict discussions were directly or indirectly about trust. Can I trust you to remain sexually faithful to me? Am I more important than your friends, than your mother?

What if ….? On and on, it was all about trust. Those couples who wound up trusting one another had very different kinds of conflict discussions and were very different, than couples who failed to develop trust.”
These ideas, experiences and issues are frequently discussed in Desert Star’s Gender Specific Mariposa and Grace programs and touch upon in our other programs. Desert Star also explores our clients’ reactions. These reactions include what the Gottman’s call the 4 horsemen: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling. For more information about Desert Star’s Mariposa, Grace and other programs, go to or call us at 520-638-6000.